I'm sure you've all noticed how irregular my posting has been since about July. I'm aware this isn't a very big community, but I want to be honest with you all, and I hope you know that I'm here for everyone of you. So, let's get started.
It really hasn't been my year. A lot of tough things have happened, and I wasn't able to deal with them, school, home and keeping this blog updated. First off, my parent's decided that they weren't right for one another anymore. Even though it wasn't a shock, it's still a very difficult time period, telling your friends, moving homes once a week, ecetera. I'm sure people who have experienced it will understand the feeling. All of this made me decide that people change, and you have to change too, even if they used to be the most important people in your life.
This caused me to look at my relationships, and I decided that my friendship group was a toxic one. It wasn't their fault, they didn't bully me or anything, our ideals were just too different. But sometimes I still sit with them, because I really struggle with change. Scary stuff. Hopefully one day I'll be able to adjust to new people better.
But by far, the biggest hurdle has been battling anxiety. I've always been a worrier, but anxiety and panic attacks have been a huge part of my life this year. It has been really, really hard. The hardest part is talking about it, as some of the closest people to me have referred to my anxiety as a disorder and illness, and my panic attacks as cop out. I'm taking steps to deal with it, starting with visiting a councilor. I'm not sure if it will help, let's see.
Something this has taught me is that it's okay not to be okay. I'm still here, I'm still getting through, I'm still working towards making my life better. I'm not okay at the moment, but that might be okay for now.
